Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Monday, December 3, 2007

Haiku to an Extra-Unpleasant Breeder, part 1


Out with swollen t!ts

in public like some bovine;

cover em, Breeder

Friday, November 16, 2007

Haiku Movie Review, 11/16/07

Beowulf

Hey--they got some great
voice talent for this here new
Playstation 3 game

Friday, November 9, 2007

The Hollywood Writers Strike Hits Home for Haiku Composer




















If this cuts into


new Cavemen episodes, it's


razor-to-wrist time

Wednesday, November 7, 2007

The Great Masses Weigh in on the Writers Guild Strike

Snottypance riters
hu needz yu i onlee wotch
reallutee showse

Friday, November 2, 2007

Dork arrested for stealing Indy 4 secrets could've fared worse...

If he'd have opened

that Indy 4 Zip file, his

face woulda melted

Haiku Movie Review, 11/2/07

Martin Blank would kick
milksop John Cusack's ass in
a Grosse Pointe minute

Saturday, October 13, 2007

Feedback from the Current Administration re: Gore's Laurels
















Leader of the Free
World eloquently weighs in
on Gore's Nobel Prize

Al Gore Wins Nobel Peace Prize


Good thing we kicked this
pinko hippie rat bastard
out of the White House

Saturday, October 6, 2007

K-Fed Gets Kids, Required to Get Ducks in Row



Yo, yo, Judge! 'Sup? You
mean Kev can't share brews with Sean
and Jayden no more?

Friday, October 5, 2007

How Britney's Sons Should Reward their Mama's Parenting Skills


Sean and Jayden sneak
into Brit's bedroom, and then
kill her in her sleep

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

Haiku Movie Review, 9/26/07

Good Luck Chuck

If it looks like a

turd, and smells like a turd, it

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

Prez finds shiny new US Attorney General

Bush's first choice died
when brave young Luke Skywalker
blew up the Death Star

Sunday, September 16, 2007

Sacrificing that goat paid off: Kathie Lee not on THE VIEW

I miss seeing that
forehead vein and that taut skin
on morning TV.

Monday, September 10, 2007

If You Can't Say Something Nice: Britney Spears' VMA Performance

At least she wiped the
orange off her face before she
put the headset on

Sunday, September 9, 2007

How MTV got Britney Spears to sing on the VMA's



Some P. A. laid down
a trail of Cheetos leading
to the theater.

Friday, August 31, 2007

A Compassionate Media Covers Owen Wilson's Suicide Attempt

Best wishes, Owen,
while we coat the hospital
like fat white maggots

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Perez Hilton, Coming Soon to VH1


Great: Willy Wonka's
annoying Oompa-Loompa
lands a TV gig

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Don't Mess with a Guy named Uwe Boll

Please do not hurt me,
mean German director guy.
I heart your fine films!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

The Real Reason Karl Rove is Leaving Public Scrutiny

He'd trash suits when his
leathery wings kept ripping
through the backs of 'em

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Prince on the Comeback Trail with Planet Earth



Mascara'ed Li'l Elf:
Still singing about his loins
after all these years

Saturday, August 11, 2007

Haiku Movie Review, 8/11/07

Arctic Tale

Nothing helps raise kids'
global warming awareness
like walrus fart jokes

Friday, August 10, 2007

Divine Looked Better in a Skirt: Director's Cut

Travolta in drag--
more terrifying than all
four Saw flicks combined.



illo to Schmuck's haiku: Ride
that coattail, Schmuck--RIDE!

Thursday, August 9, 2007

Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Shia LaBeouf Must be Alerted to his Funny Name



Rising Star: Call him
Shia LaBeefaroni:
He loves it--trust me.

Saturday, August 4, 2007

Michael Vick, First Round Draft Pick for that Special Spot in Hell


What does it say when
Adolf Hitler was nicer
to dogs than you are?

Friday, August 3, 2007

Haiku Movie Review, 8/3/07

The Bourne Ultimatum

Write it down: then you
won't forget stuff like, oh, your
ENTIRE FRICKIN' LIFE

Thursday, August 2, 2007

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Spoiler!

Harry chokes on a
Bertie Botts Jelly Bean, dies.
Rowling just got bored.

Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Monday, July 30, 2007

Kelly Clarkson Issues Apology to Clive Davis



Clive won't send his orc hordes to
slaughter her fam'ly

Saturday, July 28, 2007

Power Couple J-Lo and Marc


I know why they've stayed
together this long--it's 'cause
he's eaten her brains

Friday, July 27, 2007

Haiku Movie Review, 7/27/07

No Reservations

Like Tracy/Hepburn,
but with a lobotomy
and that Sunshine kid

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Crack, Peter (Pulp Fiction) Greene's Good Friend




Zed digs rock; now the
cops will go all medieval
on Peter Greene's ass

The Vein in Julia Roberts' Forehead


It pulses; like some
sick Cronenberg parasite,
ready to erupt

Wednesday, July 25, 2007