Thursday, September 24, 2009

Haiku Movie Review, 9/24/09

The Informant

If Soderbergh farts
into a high-def cam'ra,
crits will still piss selves

Sunday, September 13, 2009

Friday, August 28, 2009

Haiku Movie Review, 8/28/09

Taking Woodstock

Be nice to Snoopy's
little yellow buddy, you
damn smelly hippies

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Haiku Movie Review mach 2, 8/28/09

Inglourious Basterds

I love Quentin T
enough to put up with Pitt's
crappy hick accent

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Rotten Tomatoes Rips my Ass Off, maybe

If you're gonna steal
from the Master, at least nick
some laughs, Chuckleheads...

Sunday, July 5, 2009

Diana Ross may get custody of Michael Jackson's children


She'll be a great mom
'cept when she eats viscera
in front of the kids...

Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Ten Movies'll be Vying for Best Picture Oscar in 2010

Thank God! That means that
Madea Goes to Jail could
take home Oscar GOLD!!

Haiku Movie Review, 6/24/09

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (again)

Will Megan Fox's
over-firm ass turn into
a car or something?

Haiku Movie Review, 6/24/09

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

LaBeefaroni
retreats back to a franchise
he did not help kill

Saturday, June 20, 2009

Haiku Movie Review Deux, 6/20/09

Year One

Caveman looks like George
Bernard Shaw compared to this
fossilized li'l turd

Haiku Movie Review, 6/20/09

The Proposal

Cannuck Editor
Dame! Maybe the Deadpool Boy
can marry your ass

Saturday, June 13, 2009

Haiku Movie Review Part Deux, 6/13/09

Imagine That

Keep gumming at that
cinematic oatmeal, Old
Comic Geezer Man

Haiku Movie Review, 6/12/09

The Taking of Pelham 123

The first one? A cup
of New York joe. The new one?
Jolt Cola, no fizz.

Christopher Lee Knighted!

Show some respect: You'll
need to refer to him as
SIR Dracula now

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Haiku Movie Review 5/28/09, Warp Factor 2

Up


A smart, quality
animated flick? Pixar
must think we're all chumps...

Haiku Movie Review 5/28/09, Phase 1

Drag Me to Hell


Hey, Mac Guy--if your
Mac is so great, why can't it
delete demon hags?

Health Concerns for Mel Gibson's Outta-Wedlock Kid-to-Be

Can a toddler get
diabetes suckling its
mother's Sugart%ts?

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Haiku Movie Review 3, 5/22/09




Sucking in your cheeks
won't add gravitas, Grumpy

Haiku Movie Review Part 1, 5/22/09





The next stale spoof will
be written, directed by
some Wayans zygotes

Haiku Movie Review Part 2, 5/22/09

Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian

May I replace the
monkey and smack Ben Stiller
for doing this crap?

Friday, May 15, 2009

TWILIGHT kid plays Salvador Dali in indie flick: WTF?

Talks to get Paris
Hilton to portray Gala
just fell the hell through:(...

Haiku Movie Review, 5/15/09

Angels and Demons

At least Hanks has ditched
that greasy sub-mullet 'do
from the first movie...

Monday, May 11, 2009

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Kirstie Alley Puts on the Pounds

She gained 83
pounds, and is over forty:
Execute her, please

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Haiku Movie Review, Mayday 2009 Part IV



There's Jackman shirtless:
As for the rest of the film...
Well...Jackman's shirtless

Friday, May 1, 2009

Haiku Movie Review, Mayday 2009, in Supadupa 3-D

Obsessed


Sacha Fierce needn't
worry 'bout clearing mantle
space for that Oscar

Haiku Movie Review, Mayday 2009, Part Deux


Ghosts of Girlfriends Past

Spectres rip open
Grinning Dimwit Redneck's bowels!!
...Not. A guy can dream...

Haiku Movie Review, Mayday 2009

17 Again

Pretty baby-faced
man/boy: eats spray-can Cheez-Whiz,
makes all the 'tweens sigh

Saturday, April 11, 2009

Haiku Movie Review, 4/11/09 Part 3

Observe and Report

Some homage Brando;
Seth Rogan homages that
twonk from King of Queens

Haiku Movie Review, 4/11/09 Mach 2



Fast and Furious (mach 2)


Not many steps up
from fond'ling sh%t-caked diapers,
Scowling Diesel Man

Haiku Movie Review, 4/11/09

Fast and Furious

Not quite a remake;
they took the 'the's out of the
damned movie's title

Billy Bob goes Ballistic


Ghomeshi mis-spoke:
buddy. Get it right!

Friday, March 13, 2009

Radiohead Snubs Hannah Montana

I salute thee, o
mopey limey bastards: You've
made my f$#king week

Haiku Movie Review, 3/13/09

Race to Witch Mountain

That smell isn't what
The Rock's cooking...it's the stench
of his dead career

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

A Realistic assessment of WATCHMEN's success

Sure, it made a mint;
but will it play to folks who
don't live with their moms?

Friday, February 20, 2009

Thursday, February 12, 2009

Haiku Movie Review, 2/13/09



Screw this remake: I'm
holding out for a scare flick
about Arbor Day

Haiku Movie Review, 2/12/09

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Hey, Perky Greedhead--
maybe Macy's sells film scripts
that are worth a sh%t

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Monday, February 2, 2009

Super Bowl XLIII: An Assessment in Haiku

An embarassment
to my gender I am: I
did not give a sh#t

Michael Phelps Huffs Hookah; Hypocrites Harrumph


Cut the kid a break...
Smoke a fattie, eat some snacks,
and frickin' CHILL, world.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Better late than never to pick on Pitt: SAG Red Carpet 09


All he needs to look
like my old shop teacher; His
finger up his nose

Jessica Simpson Gains Weight


Repugnant fat cow;
How dare you sport any curves
like real-life women