Radiohead Snubs Hannah Montana

I salute thee, o
mopey limey bastards: You've
made my f$#king week

Haiku Movie Review, 3/13/09

Race to Witch Mountain

That smell isn't what
The Rock's cooking...it's the stench
of his dead career

A Realistic assessment of WATCHMEN's success

Sure, it made a mint;
but will it play to folks who
don't live with their moms?

Economy, Schmeconomy! Now THIS is news...

Chimp Mauls Stupid Woman's Face: A Random Reflection

Doctor Zira: Now,

THERE'S a chimp who knows how to

kiss a human right

Haiku Movie Review, 2/13/09

Friday the 13th

Screw this remake: I'm

holding out for a scare flick

about Arbor Day

Haiku Movie Review, 2/12/09

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Hey, Perky Greedhead--
maybe Macy's sells film scripts
that are worth a sh%t

Why Nadya Suleman Should Not Breed

Yeah, she's stupid and

stuff, but she also looks like

an orangutang

Haiku Movie Review, 2/8/09, Part 1.2

He's Just Not That Into You

Haiku Movie Review, 2/8/09

The Pink Panther 2

No, it's not The Pink
Panther, Part Deux: It's The Pink
Panther, Part Doo-Doo

Super Bowl XLIII: An Assessment in Haiku

An embarassment

to my gender I am: I

did not give a sh#t

Michael Phelps Huffs Hookah; Hypocrites Harrumph

Cut the kid a break...

Smoke a fattie, eat some snacks,

and frickin' CHILL, world.

Better late than never to pick on Pitt: SAG Red Carpet 09

All he needs to look

like my old shop teacher; His

finger up his nose

Jessica Simpson Gains Weight

Repugnant fat cow;

How dare you sport any curves

like real-life women

Haiku Movie Review,1/29/09, Mach 2

TAKEN

Shave your head, Liam
Neeson: then you'll be even
more like Vin Diesel

Haiku Movie Review, 1/29/09, Mach 1

NEW IN TOWN

Li'l Clenched-Sphincter-Face
falls in love with that jug-eared
has-been crooner guy

Skinny Smartypants is Commander-in-Chief

...And I was getting
used to that Texas jackboot
against my windpipe

Security Oaf breaks bank for the second week!

Ex-sitcom nuisance

stars in cinematic sack

of greasy corn chips

Brad Pitt won a Golden Globe for that Button thing...

Digitally-age

a pretty monkey, the press

swears he's a genius

Sorry it's been awhile, but...

Day job sucks 'way my
time like a hyena sucks
marrow from dry bones

Lloyd Webber Pens Phantom Sequel

Please, God, stop Mr.

Rodent-Cheeked Hack before he

composes again