Economy, Schmeconomy! Now THIS is news...

Chimp Mauls Stupid Woman's Face: A Random Reflection

Doctor Zira: Now,

THERE'S a chimp who knows how to

kiss a human right

Haiku Movie Review, 2/13/09

Friday the 13th

Screw this remake: I'm

holding out for a scare flick

about Arbor Day

Haiku Movie Review, 2/12/09

Confessions of a Shopaholic

Hey, Perky Greedhead--
maybe Macy's sells film scripts
that are worth a sh%t

Why Nadya Suleman Should Not Breed

Yeah, she's stupid and

stuff, but she also looks like

an orangutang

Haiku Movie Review, 2/8/09, Part 1.2

He's Just Not That Into You

Haiku Movie Review, 2/8/09

The Pink Panther 2

No, it's not The Pink
Panther, Part Deux: It's The Pink
Panther, Part Doo-Doo

Super Bowl XLIII: An Assessment in Haiku

An embarassment

to my gender I am: I

did not give a sh#t

Michael Phelps Huffs Hookah; Hypocrites Harrumph

Cut the kid a break...

Smoke a fattie, eat some snacks,

and frickin' CHILL, world.

Better late than never to pick on Pitt: SAG Red Carpet 09

All he needs to look

like my old shop teacher; His

finger up his nose

Jessica Simpson Gains Weight

Repugnant fat cow;

How dare you sport any curves

like real-life women