Say it Ain't So: Batman Beats his Momma and Sis

Please God, tell me Bale's

POWs and ZAPs were confined to

the multiplex screen

More Fully-Dilated Truth about Breeder Chic: Part 4

(openly inspired by July 11 entry in Gallery of the Absurd: Thanks to 14 and Candy Kirby for thought food)


My seed swims to you
incubator for my horde--
snot-nosed floor-lickers

A C-Section to Breeder Chic, Part 3

(openly inspired by July 11 entry in Gallery of the Absurd: Thanks to 14 and Candy Kirby for thought food)

My vajayjay is
a factory cranking out
screaming earth killers

Breeder Chic Rant (With Contractions at Faster Intervals), Part 2

(openly inspired by July 11 entry in Gallery of the Absurd: Thanks to 14 and Candy Kirby for thought food)


Breeder algebra
the bigger dumba$$ you are
the more pups you poop

The Swollen Belly of Truth Behind Breeder Chic, Part 1

(openly inspired by July 11 entry in Gallery of the Absurd: Thanks to 14 and Candy Kirby for thought food)

Crabby baby with
s%!t-caked diapers; mewling and
suckling your udders

Haiku Movie Review, 6/22/08

The Love Guru

Nothing fuels cosmic

enlightenment like a few

fart and penis jokes

Haiku Movie Review, 6/19/08

Get Smart

At least it's better
than that putrescent poop pile,
Evan Almighty

R Kelly Cleared of Child Porn Charges

Guess R's a shoo-in
for that guest shot on Hannah
Montana right now...

Kung Fu Panda Cruelly Mocks Sensitive Demographic

It'll just make fat

bears with no Kung Fu skills feel

really insecure

Haiku Movie Review, 6/6/08

You Don't Mess with the Zohan

Can I get big bucks

for doing a Borat voice

in a crappy wig?

Ode to Bullitt: Film Nerd Haiku times Three

Hitmen in black gloves

glower, tearing up pavement

as McQueen gives chase

Mustang on Charger

like a supersonic fly

on Turbo-Charged Sh#t...

Squealing tires, real cars:

The Fast and the Furious

can kiss my tailpipe

(image used with kind permission from 14's Gallery of the Absurd website)

Speed Racer Movie Flops: Insert Car Crash Pun Here

Chimps in beanies and

seizure-inducing colors

AREN'T box office gold??!

Haiku Movie Review, 6/3/08

Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Casper the Friendly Ghost or Something

Diet Lord of the

Rings, with a pretty boy and

a big talking cat

Post-Script to Haiku Movie Preview of 5/21/08

Indiana Jones and the Blah Blah Whatever

Maybe I should have

sacrificed a small child or

George Lucas instead

Haiku Movie Review, 5/30/08

Sex and the City: The Movie

Manolo Blahniks

come in eight diff'rent shades of

I don't give a sh*t

In case you give a rat's ass: New American Idol crowned!

The one guy with the
fancy-schmancy combover
is the big winner

Jodie Foster splits with Lover of 14 Years

The press dines on her
private life with fava beans,
a nice chianti

Winona and Keanu an Item?

Scared little mousie:
you make a first-rate beard for
that Matrix doorknob

Haiku Movie Preview, 5/21/08

Indiana Jones and the Kashkow with the Long-Assed Title

I have sacrificed

a goat to the gods in the

hope that it won't suck

Farewell, Charlton Heston

Get your stinking paws

off Charlton Heston, you damn

dirty Grim Reaper